Category دیلی اسکوییب

Former Prince Harry Shows Off His Californian Garden

harry california garden

One always loves a Sunday stroll in one’s Californian garden, and former Prince Harry is no exception as he was filmed enjoying the splendour of his new mansion yesterday.

“I come out here to my beautiful Californian garden to enjoy nature first hand and get my thoughts together, plus it gets me away from the demands I have to listen to all day long. Over here is a bush of some sorts, it looks very exotic, something that would not be found in England. There are also no grouse or deer to shoot here, but those are long gone days for me,” the former prince sniffed.

Nearby, as the camera pans around the heavy orange haze, there is only the sound of crackling, much like is heard in a fireplace.

“As you can see, the view from here is wonderful, it is a sort of smoky orange colour, ...

Read More

Queen of California Dominates From Cattle Class on Airline

This is why there is a mass exodus of citizens from California, one only has to watch the video above to see that there is a serious problem in that state, although the problem is also now spreading like wildfire to other states too.

The Queen of California, travelling in coach class as the Americans call it, (Brits refer to it as cattle class) is an irreverent woman with delusions of grandeur exhibiting signs of a mental breakdown, and is an obvious ignorant yet proud racist.

She keeps talking about how black people are the dominant race with dominant genes, and are the original people, however she neglects to mention something called evolution...

Read More

Cardi B Loses Cardigan in Knitting Accident

It has been reported that a celebrity called Cardi B, who not many people have heard of, has lost her cardigan in a freak knitting accident.

According to showbiz outlets, the so-called star was knitting another G-string for her new autotune performance in front of screaming 10-year-old girls, when she accidentally made a cardigan before losing it later on in the day.

“My leetle brain it cannot comprehend. I knit this and that and lose it, I wanted a G-string for my porno show but instead I knit a cardigan for my poodle. I do not know what a cardigan is, I had to look it up in a dictionary, plus I cannot read or write but my maid tell me the words,” a distraught Cardi B was quoted as saying.

The current celebrity world is completely up in...

Read More

Man Says He is Happy to Pay For Vast BBC Salaries

bbc salaries

“I am happy to pay for the immensely overpaid BBC salaries to mediocre celebrity personalities who do not deserve a fraction of what they are paid. Gary Lineker £1.8 million per annum, no problem. Zoe Balls, £1.4 million, a drop in the ocean. In fact, I think they all need another massive pay rise.”

Speaking from the Bellevue Mental Hospital in Burnley, the 28-year-old man revealed that he is also the fifth cousin of Napoleon Bonaparte, and regularly talks to alien species from Alpha Centauri.

When asked about how he pays for the licence fee of £157.50 per annum, the man simply shrugged his shoulders, bent over and farted.

Previous articleCardi B Loses Cardigan in Knitting Accident

Read More

Thomas Cook Taken Over By Chinese Communists

Chinese_soviet_thomas cook

How’s that for retribution, or a kick in the ging gang goolies, the fucking Chinese have now taken over beloved former British travel company Thomas Cook.

“This is your captain Wei Lo speaking, we have postponed your trip to Majorca. Instead, we will fly you to China where you will all be beaten, detained and your kidneys removed.  Thank you for flying with Thomas Cook, capitalist Western scum!”

Long live Chairman Mao’s Great Leap Forward, as every holiday you buy will be used to finance some horrendous Uighur internment camp where thousands of people are detained in re-education gulags and tortured.

Is your conscience clear as every penny spent now on Thomas Cook is funnelled into the Chinese Communist Party’s coffers to be used against the West somehow?

Look down as you...

Read More

Insanity of Schools Opening: Kids Will Spread Covid-19 Far and Wide

In England and Wales, the amount of infected has risen again after a massive jump to 2,988 cases in one day, and already a school has been forced to close after 5 teachers were infected with the deadly virus, yet tomorrow all schools across the country are opening.

The increased footfall, and enclosed classrooms will carry the airborne virus far and wide, as the asymptomatic viral loads are spread by particularly virulent children onto adults.

These days, schools are no more than childcare dumping zones for parents who cannot be bothered to look after their children, instead of one parent working, both parents work so that they can afford the holidays and other material objects they as greedy consumers desire...

Read More

UEFA Nations League: What are the Chances for the Three Lions?

uefa nations league england

As the Three Lions go on the hunt for the UEFA Nations League again, you can’t help but wonder if this time the lads will bring it home. Last time out, England slumped to a 3-1 defeat to the Netherlands in the semi-final. They did, however, get a bit of redemption by placing third overall. This year, Southgate’s boys placed an exclamation mark to their qualification bid.

England stunned Montenegro 7-0 to qualify for the prestigious tournament. Can we say this performance is a sign of what’s following in this campaign? Only time will tell, but for now, let’s take a peek into England’s chances.

The Build-up

One way we can get a clue if England fits the bill is to look at its performance in the UEFA
Nations League qualifiers...

Read More

The Day Nancy Pelosi Revealed Her True Face

nancy pelosi face

Sometimes the things we don’t want to see hide in plain sight, and when you finally get to see the fantastic, your brain glosses over it, simply because it’s too strange for your conscious mind to acknowledge. This was what happened when Nancy Pelosi revealed her true self to a group of reporters just before a conference, Tuesday.

Just back from the hair salon, Nancy Pelosi was at the podium again, freshly coiffed and sporting the same old droning voice as she castigated this and that person. Filming had not yet started, and she was fielding questions from a few select reporters.

One eyewitness revealed the harrowing details of seeing the true face of Pelosi.

“Pelosi sneezed, and I heard a horrible tearing sound, as if material was being torn from its base...

Read More

Six People in a Pub at a Time

six person rule pub
This pint wants to drink itself.

Pub landlords were today baffled as to how they were going to adhere to the new social distancing rules which will be applied from next Monday.

“We will get fined thousands of pounds for having more than six people in our pub. There are ways we can get around this. Secret compartments where we can stuff drinkers, or how about the cellar? Another way of making it worth our while is to bring in six drinkers at a time, and order them to drink seven pints each in less than five minutes, ready for the next six to be allowed in. This way we can at least break even on opening costs,” one anonymous pub landlord revealed.

What about stealth technology for drinkers? The pub could be kitted out with state-of-the-art stealth tech that renders any person in...

Read More

Queues Over Two Miles Asylum Seekers Seen Outside Gary Lineker’s House

When it comes to virtue signalling champagne socialist celebrities, some would mention the name of BBC darling, Gary Lineker, who seems to be so far left with his politics that he might as well be preaching from a Siberian Gulag.

Much like other socialist luvvies, Lineker wants to stand up and be counted, and where Lily Allen failed, he is announcing to all the newspapers that he wants to take in an economic migrant into his massive £4 million mansion in leafy posh, Barnes, London.

“You can’t buy a shed here for less than a million, but with my exorbitant BBC salary for working four times a month, I can afford a grand mansion worth quite a lot of money...

Read More